A Timeline I Never Expected

Dear Jasmin ⚘,

I used to pray for something small. Just to sit with you, talk with you, exist in the same space without feeling like the universe was playing a game with my hopes. I thought that was already too much to ask. But somehow, life gave me more than anything i ever imagined. Even until now, I still can’t fully believe how close we have become. Sometimes I catch myself pausing, replaying moments, just to make sure this is real. 

How we went from you barely even recognize who I am, and me being too afraid to even approach you, to laughing casually in your house like it has always been this way. To texting you before bed like it’s the most normal thing in the world. To inviting you out and not feeling like I am asking for something impossible anymore. There was a time when even the thought of sitting down for a meal together felt impossible. I never thought I’d be the person you’d think of when you see something fun, something gen z-ish, something meant to be enjoyed together. For the longest time, I wondered if you ever imagined doing those things with me. And somehow, you did.

Back then, missing you meant staying quiet and doing nothing, just waiting for you to post a story and hoping that was enough. I carried that feeling for so long, not knowing what to do with it, not knowing where it belonged. And now, somehow, I am living in moments I once thought were only meant to stay in my head. 

I still find it hard to process how naturally this all happened. I can show up at your house just to talk. Just because I miss you. I can plan small, random things with you and not feel like I am crossing a line. I can be present in your life in ways I never allowed myself to imagine before. And the fact that you remember me, that you think of me when you see things, that I exist in your everyday thoughts, still feels surreal.

I didn’t plan for us to get closer. I didn’t even believe it was possible. For the longest time, you existed at a distance. Someone I admired quietly, someone who lived in my thoughts without any expectations. You felt unreachable, like a part of my life that would never overlap with yours. I told myself that was enough, that some connections are meant to be felt from afar and never touched.

But Allah had other plans.

Slowly, gently, without forcing anything, He brought us closer in ways that felt safe and sincere. Nothing about this feels rushed. Everything has its own flow, and the flow is beautiful. I am so grateful for this timeline, for how things unfolded in their own time. Allah gave me something I never dared to ask for, something I thought was too impossible to happen. And yet, here we are.

Sometimes I sit quietly and think about how different things feel now. How my heart feels calmer, fuller. How the longing that once hurt so deeply has softened into something warm. Something that feels like peace. I don’t know where this will lead, and I am learning not to demand answers from the future.

And in quiet moments, when words feel unnecessary, I carry your name into my prayers. I ask Allah to watch over this connection, to keep it within His guidance and His redha. I ask Him to protect whatever this is in the most beautiful way, to keep my heart steady and sincere, and to preserve these feelings so they never stray into something they are not meant to be. I leave it in His hands, trusting that if it is good for us, He will guard it gently.

All I know is that I am thankful. For you. For this connection. For the way life surprised me when I least expected it. And I hope, with all my heart, that this remains. That whatever this is continues to grow gently, honestly, and beautifully, just as it has been.

For now, I am exactly where I never thought I would be. And I am grateful beyond words.

In a heart that feels safe,

Syaf Sal

10:35 PM

Beneath the same sky.