Words i didn’t say out loud

Dear Jasmin ⚘, I used to pray for something small. Just to sit with you, talk with you, exist in the same space without feeling like the universe was playing a game with my hopes. I thought that was already too much to ask. But somehow, life gave me more than anything i ever imagined. Even until now, I still can’t fully believe how close we have become. Sometimes I catch myself pausing, replaying moments, just to make sure this is real.  How we went from you barely even recognize who I am, and me being too afraid to even approach you, to laughing casually in your house like it has always been this way. To texting you before bed like it’s the most normal thing in the world. To inviting you out and not feeling like I am asking for something impossible anymore. There was a time when even the thought of sitting down for a meal together felt impossible. I never thought I’d be the person you’d think of when you see something fun, something gen z-ish, something meant to be...

Dear Jasmin ⚘, We finally meet again in the way i would never expect. I didn’t think i would get to see you again this soon. I really didn’t. I went out with no plans, no silent hopes (maybe just a little), just another normal day. But somehow, the universe has its own way of crossing paths that were never meant to stay apart for too long. Well, my instinct can't never go wrong. Seeing you there felt unreal. It was one of those moments where the world suddenly slows down and everything else fades into the background. I didn’t know what to do or say, but my heart knew exactly what it was feeling. I’ve missed you, quietly and constantly, in a way words could never quite explain. and then, out of nowhere, you were there again, like a soft reminder that maybe some bonds don’t fade easily. I was caught between being surprised and deeply touched that you remembered me. My name, My face, everything. It sounds small, but to me, it meant the world. After all this time, i never thought you w...

Today feels heavier than i thought it would. It’s strange how something that made me so happy could leave such an ache the next day. Yesterday felt like a dream. One of those rare, quiet dreams you never want to wake up from. Everything about it felt right. Familiar, warm, and safe in ways i can’t even put into words. And now that it’s over, i keep replaying it in my head. The way everything just fell into place, how time slowed down for a while, how the universe seemed to say, “here, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for.” It’s crazy how something so simple could linger this long. How one small moment can replay in your head like your heart’s trying to live it again. i wish i could turn back time, just to feel that calm one more time. To laugh a little longer. To stay in that space where everything felt right, even if it was just for a while. I don’t know why, but i miss it already. I keep wishing i could turn back time, just to relive those few minutes again. To walk through the...

Dear blog, Today i finally met the person I’ve been writing about here. Yep, it's Jasmin. I’ve been wanting to meet Jasmin for so long. For years, the thought of crossing paths again stayed quietly at the back of my mind. I always knew where ⚘ were, but maybe i just never had the courage to show up. It’s strange how sometimes the heart knows what it wants but still hesitates when the moment finally comes. Today, i just go for it. I didn’t plan to, but god’s plan was kinder. Somehow our paths crossed again, at the exact moment when i wasn’t even trying. The universe finally works when you finally stop forcing things. And there ⚘ were, standing right in front of me. Familiar, yet somehow softer. Seeing that familiar face again felt surreal. Three years ago, i could barely hold a glance, and now here i am, standing close, smiling, laughing, like the universe pressed play after a long pause. ⚘ was the sweetest and full of warmth i didn’t know i needed. So different from the version i u...

Dear Jasmin ⚘, Honestly, I’m not surprised that my fourth post will still be about you. It feels like I dedicated this whole blog to you haha. Lately, I’ve been dreaming of you more often. So often that I’ve lost count. Even last night, you were there again. Maybe it’s because I think of you too much when I’m awake, and when I finally close my eyes, my mind just continues the same story with you in it. It’s like you never really leave my mind, not even for a moment. Sometimes the dreams feel so real that I wake up with a heart that aches, wishing I could stay asleep just to be with you a little longer. Every single day, without fail, you linger in my head. Every place I go, I find myself hoping to see you. Even if it’s just by chance, even if it’s just for a second. My thoughts keep circling back to you. It’s like you’ve carved a permanent space in my mind, and I don’t even know how to erase it, or if I even want to. Most of the time, whatever I choose to do, it somehow leads back to y...

Dear Jasmin ⚘, I can't believe my next post is still about you. After a few years, our paths crossed again. I never thought I’d get even the slightest glimpse, yet today life decided to surprise me in its own quiet way. I’ve been carrying this silent hope for so long, wishing that one day, somehow, our paths would meet once more. And today, it happened. Not in the way I imagined, not in the way I kept replaying in my head, but still, it happened. I saw you. Your car, I mean. For a second, my heart leaped. I thought it was finally the moment I’ve been waiting for. The chance to see you, even just from a distance. But it wasn’t. It was only your car, a trace of your presence without you in it. I stood there wondering, what if I had just waited a little longer? What if I stayed, patiently, and maybe, just maybe, you would appear? Even a glimpse would have been enough for me. Because sometimes, that’s all the heart needs, a reminder that what it longs for is still somewhere close...

Dear Jasmin ⚘, Like the flower that carries your name, you have a presence both gentle and unforgettable. ___ We were never close, not in the way people usually are. Most of the time it was only me, watching quietly from a distance, carrying a kind of admiration I could never put into words. And yet even from afar, you have a way of filling the silence, of making the world feel a little softer, a little more beautiful. There is a guarded air, perhaps shaped by storms, but behind it I believe there is a sweetness untouched. It is the little things that matter most. A fleeting glimpse, a passing moment, even the smallest trace left behind. To others it might mean nothing, but to me it is enough to brighten a day. After years of silence, life somehow allowed us to cross paths again, even if only through the small windows of social media. And for that, I am grateful. I do not hope for closeness, nor do I expect anything more. Just knowing that your presence exists once again in my world al...

This is my twenty .  Twenty years behind, a lifetime ahead. starting here, with words. The year where I stop apologising for who I am, the year I carry my past without letting it weigh me down, and the year I embrace the person I have grown into. ___ I used to be the kind of person who could walk into any room and walk out with a new friend. My laughter was loud, my words never seemed to run out, and silence was something I barely knew. Wherever I went, I carried a kind of lightness that made me feel like I could belong anywhere. But then, life happened. One thing, one turning point, was enough to change the way I saw the world and the way the world saw me. And suddenly, I was no longer that girl. Now I am quieter with people I do not know, careful with my words, and slower to adapt to new surroundings. It took me three long semesters to find my place in diploma life and even then, it never felt like slipping into old skin. It felt like growing into someone completely new. I have l...